Posts

Consistently Inconsistent

 *Big plans to blog regularly* (BAM) Life enters and derails all plans for productivity.  I’m really not much better off than I was at my last post. I did my gradual return to work fairly successfully, but not without a few bumps and bad brain days. And that’s okay. I was able to be open and honest with my boss when I was really struggling and we made things work out for the best of everyone. It was really good to be back to some semblance of routine, seeing faces I missed and catching up with the girls at coffee breaks. It was also nice to be getting full pay checks again! And then, March hit. Weather wise it came in like a lamb, mentally it came in like soggy wide-legged jeans of the early 2000’s. I found an app to track my moods, and there has definitely been a marked downward spiral. I have no explanation of why or what caused it. I’m learning with bipolar that sometimes there isn’t even a “why”, and am trying to learn to accept that.  The days have gotten increasingl...
Post a Comment
Read more

Back to Work, Back to “Reality”

 My medical time off is coming to an end. November 27-Jan 30th. I can’t believe I was actually off for two full months! It definitely didn’t feel that long, but also at times felt like I was never going to “get better”. The first few weeks, before I knew how long I’d be off, or if I would qualify for short term disability (terrifying for my finances!) I put so much pressure on myself. Pressure to “snap out of it”, find the root cause, or keep up appearances on social media. Stupid stigma. Seriously, I was in a mental state where none of that mattered. What mattered most was rest, allowing myself to heal, and to come to terms with another mental health diagnosis. One that is still fairly taboo to talk about in society, leaving me feeling (more) tarnished and broken. Obviously I know these feelings are not valid, but they took up residence in my mind for longer than I would have liked. Thankfully, I have some absolutely life-saving friends to talk me through dark thoughts and feeling...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Nickel for Your Thoughts

 It’s #BellLetsTalk day. I don’t really feel like flooding my Twitter, Facebook, or Snapchat with inspiring little sayings. Depression sucks. Anxiety sucks. PTSD sucks. Bipolar disorder sucks. Not being able to concentrate on every day tasks sucks.  Today I don’t feel like talking. Or advocating. Or saying yet again how horrendous our access to mental health care is in this province/country. I’m angry, depressed and tired of the platitudes and very small amount of action or changes.  Thoughts and prayers don’t provide appointments or access to psychiatry, counselling or affordable medication. Even with health benefits I’ve had to try countless medications because one that might have worked really well cost way more than I could afford. Thankfully I’ve found a combination that helps and is covered under my drug plan. Helps, but doesn’t magically make depression, anxiety and the nightmares go away.  This week has been rough, low moods, zero energy, racing thoughts that...
Post a Comment
Read more

Introductions

 Hello readers, welcome to my blog! I’m not even sure how many people even read blogs any more, but decided to go ahead and start a new one. First off, my name is Jo and my pronouns are She/Her. I live in a small city in northern Saskatchewan with my rescue dog Charlie. I recently came out publicly as bisexual in June of 2020, and was more recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder in December. I’ve been off work since the end of November to let the medication do its job and for time to rest while figuring out what this diagnoses means for my life going forward.  Since then, I’ve rediscovered my joy of painting. The unknown image being revealed with every brush stroke and splatter of paint calms my racing thoughts and gives my hands something productive to do. I emptied a spare room and set up a craft room where I can paint, make wreaths, cross stitch, write and just create whatever I need to in order to keep my brain healthy.  I am on medication as prescribed by my psychia...
Post a Comment
Read more